Message to Ava

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I am your Grandfather

I am sure you know who I am even though we have never met. I am going to go out on a limb and say that this is probably mostly my fault. Please understand that there has never been a day when I haven't gone to bed without thinking about you and your brothers.. 

I am sure there will be a lot of people upset that I am putting together this website, but it is probably the only way you will be able to learn a few things about me and your grandmother. To the contrary, you might be surprised how much I commend them.  To their likely surprise I have only positive comments regarding your parents. 

I am going to assume that we both know your fathers’ opinions. Your father and I have made several attempts at reconciliation over the years but have not been able to come to any kind of agreement or understanding. 

I would imagine your big question is "why". There is a simple 2-part answer. First, your father has and is doing exactly what I tried to teach him as he was growing up and I pray he has been teaching you the same lessons. "what" our differences were about but what matters is that your parents are standing together. God, I respect and admire that.

The second part of the answer is a little more difficult to understand because I am mad as hell on one side and so damn proud on the other side that I brag about your parents,  your brothers and you. I hope you will someday understand.

 
I am not going to get into a pissing contest with your parents. I am confident that they have plenty of good reasons for making their decision. On the other hand, I understand some of them and might even have a few of my own. Right....Wrong....Indifferent... it doesn't mater. Your parents made a decision! Looking back it is hard to find very many things I did right and I probably have one of the worst track records possible as a parent. 

I certainly do not like or appreciate their decision, but I can understand it and have done my best to respect it (well almost). Over the years I have tried to "threaten" your parents into letting us spend some time with you. While speaking with your father last year, I now realize I was only making things worse. Just another failure on my part. As I sit here in my older age, I have concluded that “we” (your father and I) did not communicate very well. I was always too busy, or something got in the way. We lost a lot. I imagine your father, aunt and uncle probably just got tired of trying and just gave up. 

What is important to me is you tell your parents you love them and hug them every day. Listen to them because they are pretty smart people. 

Recently with all this Covid-19 “stuff”, I have had a lot of time to think about years past and all the mistakes that have been made. I have been trying to understand the “why” of what happened but have not thought of too many things that could have been changed. My only defense is that I have always thought I was doing the right thing and making the right decisions. I guess I proved the old adage that “the roads are paved with good intentions”.

Throughout these messages you will find many (I hope) interesting and new things about me and your Grandmother.  We truly miss not having the chance to be part of your life. May you always love your parents and family and walk with God.