Message to JADEN

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I am your Grandfather. 

I am sure you know who I am even though we have never met. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this has mostly been my fault. Please understand that there has never been a day when I have gone to bed without thinking about you, your sister and your brother. I do, however, not take all the blame because there is plenty to go around. 

I would like to make one thing perfectly clear. I do not "hate" your parents for the decisions they've made. I may not like or appreciate their decisions, but they're sticking together. Personally, I have always been against using children to "get back" at their grandparents, but.... To me it sounds like this is exactly what your parents are doing. Even if I wanted to, I could not be totally angry with your father. To go from a waiter, bartender, photocopier repairman and now the IT Director at JifPac. You cannot imagine how proud I am for what he has accomplished. 

I am sure there will be a lot of people upset that I am putting together this website, but it is probably the only way you will be able to learn a few things about me and your grandmother. Please be assured that I will not be saying bad things about your parents. To the contrary, you might be surprised how much I commend them.

Even though our opinions may be different, I'm going to assume that we both know your fathers’ opinions. Your father and I have made several attempts at reconciliation over the years but have not been able to come to any kind of agreement or understanding. 

I would imagine your big question is "why". There is a simple 2-part answer. First, your father has and is doing exactly what I tried to teach him as he was growing up and I pray he has been teaching you the same lessons. At this point, it does not matter "what" our differences or arguments were about but what matters is that your parents are standing together. God, I respect and admire that.

The second part of the answer is a little more difficult to understand because I am mad as hell on one side and so damn proud on the other side that I brag about your parents, your sister, your brother, and you. I hope you will someday understand.

I am not going to get into a pissing contest with your parents. I am confident that they have plenty of good reasons for making their decision. On the other hand, I understand some of them and might even have a few of my own. Right....Wrong....Indifferent... it doesn't mater. Your parents made a decision. Looking back it is hard to find very many things I did right and I probably have one of the worst track records possible as a parent.  I'l wait until after I die before I say a few things. I have given a few friends some letters that they will put in the mail after they hear I've died. Never know when that will happen.

I certainly do not like their decision, but I can understand it and have done my best to respect it (well almost). Over the years I have tried to "threaten" your parents into letting us spend some time with you. While speaking with your father recently, I now realize I was only making things worse. Just another failure on my part. As I sit here in my older age, I have concluded that “we” (your father and I) did not communicate very well. I was always too busy, or something got in the way. We lost a lot. I imagine your father, aunt and uncle probably just got tired of trying and just gave up. This is why I have put together this website so you can at least know something about me. 

What is important to me is you tell your parents you love them and hug them every day. Listen to them because they are pretty smart people. 

Recently with all this Covid19 “stuff”, I have had a lot of time to think about years past and all the mistakes that have been made. I have been trying to understand the “why” of what happened but have not thought of too many things that could have been changed. My only defense is that I have always thought I was doing the right thing and making the right decisions. I guess I proved the old adage that “the roads are paved with good intentions”.

Throughout this web/information site, I will be describing a few things that your father and I have never discussed. Some of it might explain why I made some of the choices while your father and siblings were growing up. Just a few tidbits you might find interesting.

In addition to this website and messages, I have been writing personal letters to everyone. These letters contain some personal information that I don't believe should be publicized. Several friends have promised to make sure you get the messages and letters after I die. I hope you take the time to read them.

I recently ran across a letter from Paul Harvey to his son dated back in the 1950's. It's good and I thought I would include it here.  Actually, I put a special page under Grandparents so you could see the whole thing. 

If you have found these messages before I die, I trust you will understand them and learn a little about me. Regardless of how you found these messages, please understand that, after my death, you will receive a letter with a little bit of information that I, and I'm sure your parents, would rather stay private. Several good friends have copies of the letters and they will ensure you get your copy as well as your brother and sister will receive theirs.

A friend recently sent me information about how you had your BMX bike stolen along with that of a friend. Sorry to hear that. However, I learned that your father started a GoFundMe fund raiser to replace the bikes. I immediately made a donation and passed the word to some friends who also made donations. 

Actually: 

The GoFundMe page raised $1,050. My friends and I raised $350 of that plus a private donation to the BMX shop. I understand that there was a $500 gift card donated to help with the new bikes. I asked the Manager of the BMX shop not to tell you who donated the gift card until after you had purchased your new bike. 

When I was told about the GoFundMe page, I immediately thought that this was a way of doing something nice for you. I tried to send you and your brother/sister some presents last year during the Covid-19 panic, but your father intercepted them and refused to give them to you. I told him that I didn't care what he did with them and suggested he give them to the church for other kids. 

When your father and I were actually talking and it looked like we were going to regain our relationship, I sent some Christmas presents to you. A tablet computer to Ava, a remote control drone with HD camera for you and a skateboard for Nicholas. Too bad you weren't able to have them. 

I certainly hope you enjoy your new bike and I was glad to hear that you also purchased a bike lock.

Below are a few videos that I thought you might find interesting. Just do a YouTube search for the Gold Angels Motorcycle Drill Team or a variation of that theme and you will find hundreds of videos from years past.  I think that this is something you would have enjoyed seeing but, then again, your parents didn't want you know anything about me.